. With Love, From The Mother 'Hood: Taking the Plunge

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Taking the Plunge

So, here I go "taking the plunge": Putting my words, life, dirty laundry and all, out there for all the world to see. Will I regret it? Maybe, but probably not. At this point in my life I try to not have regrets - We can't change the past; what's done is done, and really, either you get me and like me or you don't. Instead of regretting what isn't, I think aspiring to what may be is a better way to go about things. No point in beating yourself up about life - vent and move on. It isn't always easy to do this, but I'm working on it. (Let me say here that my therapist is worth every penny I pay her for helping me to attempt to get my shtuff together!)

A Little About Me:
I was going to say I am a blogger virgin, but I don't think "virgin" works as a descriptor for a mom of five kids in any capacity. I'm a perfectionist, but far from perfect. I tend to be sarcastic, and you may or may not get my sense of humor ( you definitely need one to live in this 'hood) and sometimes I may not be completely PC, but I mean no offense. I speak my mind, and when it comes to my kids those closest to me would probably tell you I have a "mama bear"ness about me. I have 5 kiddos ages 15, 8, 7.5, 2.5 and 1, so all in one day I know everything and yet, I know nothing. Each child is beautiful and unique, a little piece of my heart that I gave birth to, and love so much that it hurts sometimes. Then, there are days I wish I could gather them up and shove them back in my uterus, like one of those nesting dolls, in you go! for some peace and quiet, but that is what bedtime is for. I am truly thankful for a glass or two of good wine at the end of most days. My husband Marc jokes (to me folks, not the kids), "Mommy drinks because you cry".

The two older kiddos have what I would call "mild" AD/HD (no meds) and our third has autism (PDD-NOS or PDD depending on the day and who examines him, also no meds;), and we are watching the youngest two closely for any issues. We are very fortunate that our son with autism is "high functioning", and extremely verbal; a lot of people say "I would never know". You will see me write a lot about our journey, and see that if you lived it you would know all too well. We are so lucky that he has made the progress he has, and I am grateful that I have been able to appreciate the good things autism has brought into my life (yes, I said "good" - more on that later), but autism, and the struggles our life presented in the past tested our marriage on more than one occasion to a near breaking point. Thankfully, Marc and I both fight for what we believe in, and we believe in us and our family. I hope this doesn't come across as "woe is me" or hackneyed - it's my life and it is what it is. We try to make the best of it and have fun along the way, often poking fun and laughing at ourselves (better watch out for mama bear if you try to poke fun, though). I guess the first thing I will share (this is a big leap for me!), is a poem I wrote about my son with autism. I hope you enjoy!

Maxwell's Dance

Tip toe, to and fro-
Your hands flutter through the air,
jubilant butterflies
tethered at your wrists-
Hickory, dickory
try as they might
true flight denied.

Mind's eye tapestry woven,
gossamer wings whispering,
song.
Light trip fantastic,
creating
swirls of dust above your golden head,
a sunlight crown
streaming through the window,
sparkling shards winking,
a teasing spotlight on your world,
little king.

Perpetual puzzle,
born of my body,
longing for more than a glimpse
I imagine the creations of your mind,
rare, fine lace;
A spider's web adorned with morning dew,
unexpected jewels hang in offering,
as you dance your beauty
through my world.

9 comments:

  1. I absolutely love this...especially the poem. That was amazing. Thank you so much for sharing. I can't wait to read more...especially of those poems!

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  2. I am better for having read this. Thank you.

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  3. Hooray! For you! The more we share the better place this world becomes. Sure sharing,explosing yourself to critism or praise. It is a scary venture but it is a extremely worthwhile path. You have reached out from your little island to pull in the floating flim-flam and scary jam floating by, that may have just ending up as that greasy grey foam washed up on the beach.

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  4. I love hearing about another mom of a big family. Thanks for putting your thoughts into words. Can't wait to hear more. You are inspiring me to put my words down, too. We could write a book, you and me....about the life of a big family. It would be hilarious, don't ya think?

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  5. Love your poem; very easy to visualize the dance and struggles of the little boy doing it; not to mention the woman watching him. Also agree with Kathy's assesment of the flim-flam scarry jam/grey foam on the beach. What brilliant readers you have! :) Keep up the great writing- and hugs to all those wonderful kids of yours (plus you & Marc, too!)

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  6. I love your poem!! Your doing great with your blogs. :)
    I have 4 kiddos myself and 2 with add so I can totally relate.
    I'm following you also, come visit me too: http://www.homespunheartscandles.blogspot.com

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  7. Miss,
    I laughed, I cried, but most of all you touched my heart and soul. I am so proud of you as a mom,woman,wife,but most of all as my daughter. I,m really glad that you have found the time to take that first leap towards your dream of being a writer. With your days as full as they are, it is a true miracle. Your talent is amazing. I loved Maxwell's poem. Keep on writing. I Love You, Mom

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  8. Mom, your words mean more than you can know. Your support has carried me through so many difficult times as a mom, especially with Max. I love you, too.

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  9. OKAY!! not sure if i can read anymore of this, on an emotional night like this. it all hits home too much for me...but also makes me wish i had some of the connection that you seem to have, and i dont. you amaze me already and when i get my rugrats to bed, i'm sure i'll be down here reading your blog all night long b/c i have finally found someone that might understand!! i cant thank you enough for sharing!!!

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