. With Love, From The Mother 'Hood: China, Peanuts, Flip Flops and Hot Coffee

Monday, October 26, 2009

China, Peanuts, Flip Flops and Hot Coffee

**Note this entry was edited post-publication to include further explanation of "Hot Coffee" since so many of you asked so nicely; other minor changes were made for continuity.

Oh the things kids say! I am sick right now, and Jack must have sensed I needed some comic relief this morning. He had one sock on and asked me to help him find a match in the mountain of unfolded laundry on the couch. I quickly located one and handed it to him. Jack followed me into the kitchen and said "Thanks for finding it Mom, I didn't want to be "One Sock Jack" and without missing a beat he said "It is a really good thing my name isn't Scott; "One Sock Scott". Now maybe this isn't the funniest thing you have ever read, but in that moment it was very funny to the two of us and was exactly what I needed.

All of the kids make us laugh and each seems to be developing their own sense of humor, even the baby who laughs at just the right moment with the rest of us when we joke around at the dinner table. Marley though has been on a roll lately, and rarely does a day go by that I don't say to Marc "listen to what she said today!" At 2.5 years her language and speech are still developing, so not everything is crystal clear but her pronunciations and train of thought (when you can follow it) have provided endless laughs. In a previous post I mentioned her new boots or in Marley-speak "boobs!" and her favorite, her bright pink flip flops - well, lets just say that "flops" sounds distinctly like another "F" word (which we definitely don't say lest anyone sick the potty mouth police on me ((ok, we are both guilty of the occasional "F" bomb, but only said under duress and not in front of the kids (((well, except for that one time Marc slipped and Jack ran around saying "F?" "What "F" Daddy?" Good job, Honey))) but being the not always PC mommy I am, I find endless amusement in asking her about them.
"What are those on your feet?" I ask, "My Flip F@!#&!!" she proudly proclaims (I know, bad mommy, but I only do this at home).

Recently while changing the baby, (whom Marley insists on calling "she", as in "she needs hers diaper changed, Mommy" even though "She" is Sam and he is definitely a boy; we're working on pronouns) Marley looked at Sam's penis and said "what is that?" I don't believe in assigning silly names to body parts, so we call things what they are. "His penis" I told her to which she promptly replied, "His peanuts?" and then proceeded to point to her own diaper and said "My china?" (These are the mispronunciations I LIVE for!) Stifling my giggles all I could manage was a "mmmm-hmmmm" until Marley said "His peanuts, for Patches?" and with this I let out a whoop of a laugh. Marley's mispronunciation and thought process in that moment were comedy perfection. Patches, you see, is our hamster and the kids feed her peanuts as a treat - it took me a minute or two to stop laughing at that one.

As I sit here sipping my coffee, writing this I remember when Jack was learning to talk and we were teaching him "hot". I had coffee every morning back then too, and often I would say "hot coffee". Jack said "hot" perfectly, but "coffee" didn't come out quite right, in fact the word that came out of his mouth was nowhere near coffee. It was a word no mom wants to hear her child say. **Now, I wasn't going to tell you what "coffee" sounded like when Jack said it, because I worried it may be a bit too vulgar for some readers, but my friend Andrea pointed out to me "it's what it sounded like, not what you were teaching him to say," so here goes: "Coffee" sounded just like a slang term for a certain female body part, rhymes with "wussy". My husband found it hilarious and he was the bad, not PC daddy saying "say, coffee!" and then "say, Hot Coffee!" (part of why we are still together after all these years - we share the same twisted, sarcastic sense of humor).

Who knew when Marc and I set out on this amazing journey years ago that everyday things would bring such laughter into our lives? So often we get caught up in looking for more or focusing on what's not right when directly in front of us are these amazing moments that are "just right", moments that I think too many miss. With that, before I get too sappy, from The Land of China, Peanuts, Flip Flops and Hot Coffee I say, laugh with your kids it is good great for the soul or as my dear Dad would say "it's good for what ails ya". Indeed it is.


  1. I SO agree Missy! Without these kids, my life would be boring and not so much fun(ny).

  2. Oh dear, I just couldn't figure out what coffee could be. Really. Could you give me the first 3 letters. I thought I knew all the vulgar words around but for the life of me - I can't figure that one out!

  3. Very funny one! Marley is a riot - good thing she has a mama who can get it all down now for that embarrassing wedding toast in future years!

  4. Melissa Kay - Scott couldn't say suckers... I kept a plentiful supply for entertainment purposes - and I don't care if anyone is offended because it was FUNNY!!!

  5. JQ someone we knew couldn't say truck either - can't remember who

  6. *Note* I edited this slightly to include the time Marc did drop the "F" bomb in front of the boys. Happy reading, M

  7. Awesome! I can't wait to hear what Giovanna has to say about life. I love little kids!!

  8. Kids say the darndest things! Someone should make a show about that! ;-)

  9. I can't figure out the "coffee" either. My mind has been so busy trying to edit my words for the last 9 years, that they don't come to me so easily!

    When Lucas was an infant and I was changing his diaper, my 3 year old daughter said when I was changing him - "there are his tentacles!"

  10. What a riot Missy~ so true, these moments are so priceless and quite honestly sanity savers at times! These times are the ones we will look back upon so fondly...

    BTW , you are such a beautiful writer!


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